Wednesday, 29 April 2009

• Letter 1: To the Savior. Letter 2: To the apathetic Body

  To: The Savior

  From: One saved and straying

  When I realized Your love, without warning I was transformed and transfixed.

  When I praised you I was complete, when we conversed I was renewed.

  But I’ve shirked our meetings for awhile, and I

  Find myself straying, alone, again.

  I am failing, falling, faltering. (Drifting in the toxic water of folly)

  Motionlessly flailing, which sounds nonsensical, but I know You understand.

  As I write this, I realize: I lay down to rest without thought of prayer.

  I’ve lost sight of You,

  My darkness is a shadow that dims what I know to be Your truth

  By slowing the heart and dulling the mind.

    Sometimes my devolving heart jump-starts,

  Then it stutters and breaks down again, beating and pulsing with apathetic pangs.

  When rays of life stream through, the storm front gathers.

  It rains, oh God, it rains and blots my soul, and the blotted spots darken.

  What do I do, when

  Clouds of grey upon grey absorb color,

  Storm of an angry futility,

  Rain passivity,

  And drown me?

  Sometimes it’s very grey, and I have trouble looking for You.

  The funny thing is, You’re there.

  The storm is made up of clouds, which are but air and dust and particles.

  The storm is in my mind.

  I struggle to walk through nonexistent barriers

  As if they’re made of impenetrable lead.

  But You died for me, You bled for me, You were nailed upon a cross for me; You suffered, Your heart and flesh broken for me, You were forsaken and faced infinite wrath, for the sins of the world, for the depravity of mankind.  I did nothing for You, but You love unceasingly.  Creator of everything, Savior King, You do not forsake me.

  And here I stray.

  That I may be made replete and filled with thee, help me to say.

   

  From: Replete

  To: The apathetic Body

  There are times when we’re

  Alight and so we pray

  As we are breathing.

  Sing unceasing praise,

  Your voice you raise,

  Your soul dances and shouts:

  Away from me, burdens!

  Away from me, sin!

  Close to me, Father!

  You say

  And smile lovingly at the Savior.

  But you are still unable

  To sever ties

  With the lies.

  Why do you again say goodbye

  In an eerie manner unremorseful

  And waste your life away,

  Take lightly the unfathomable beauty of His grace.

  You who were shaken awake fall back into the deadly sleep

  Of apathy and fakes;

  The highest of indefensible decisions you could make.

  And His heart breaks

  For you, an infinitesimal dot of dust—

  You who forgot your dear God—

  This is our blessing

  And this is our lot.

  He forsakes us not, though we fumble and fail and often halt

  In the race that we run. 

  We forsake Him, often.

  We focus our energies on futile things, often.

  Oh, Body of Christ,

  Return to your first love.

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